Most of us have experienced that moment when we realize our relationship is in rapid decline. Although this slide into couple distress often ends in a breakup, it does not have to.
In all likelihood, there’s some behavior undermining the relationship’s foundation of love and friendship. If you can identify the seditious behavior, you can save the relationship.
In all likelihood, there’s some behavior undermining the relationship’s foundation of love and friendship. If you can identify the seditious behavior, you can save the relationship.
Here are some of the most common relationship killers :
1. Blame and Shame.
Aside from all-out abusive behavior, blaming and shaming is likely the fastest way to kill the connection. Both of these behaviors communicate contempt of your partner, meaning that you view him or her as beneath you or deserving of scorn. This point of view has toxic effects not only on the person being blamed, but, perhaps surprisingly, on the person doing the blaming as well.
2. Use Breaking Up as a Bargaining Chip.
When you threaten to break up with someone during everyday conflicts, your partner will develop the impression that the relationship does not matter very much to you. These types of threats don’t work well for getting what you want, and, even worse, they imply that you don’t value the relationship. This implication is often far more damaging than the conflicts themselves.
3. Conjure the Ghosts of Exes.
Everyone knows that talking about exes is a minefield. If you remember them with too much fondness, your current partner may become jealous or insecure. If you speak of them with too much disdain, your partner may wonder if you have anger issues. While past relationships are an intractable part of your life story, if you constantly conjure the ghost of an ex, current relationship will start to feel haunted.
4. Keep One Foot Out The Door.
This is the stealthiest relationship killer on our list. The relationship could be going well, by all accounts, but it somehow feels off. It feels shaky. You would not be totally surprised if your partner broke up with you tomorrow. Or, alternatively, the idea of ending the relationship yourself sounds plausible. These are the symptoms of keeping one foot out the door. This relationship killer is not a bullet, it is a poison!
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